Bullet

Bullet jokes

Sister

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

Military

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

Memes

Abortion

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

School shooting

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Rose

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

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  • Infidelity

    A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

    Head

    JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

    Head

    John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

    Child

    Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.

    Doctor

    My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

    I said, "You wanna bet?"

    Bam, a gunshot!

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  • Gun

    What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

    You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

    Suicide

    I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

    Cousin

    My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

    I told him, "Probably a bullet."

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

    Clip

    Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

    Because that's the average classroom size.

    Death

    When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"