Bullet jokes
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.