Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose. Hey give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded! Oh no not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys I just lost my finger a day ago this is Tony later on
what did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said "im gonna break your heart" He says "go ahead your not breaking my 206 healthy bones"
Y'know what's really sad? Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
an acting role and playing sports have in common? If you break a leg, you get cast.
Your so poor people break into your house and leave things
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
Why do tell actors to "break a leg"? Because every play has a cast.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition? He saw flashing lights
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
Q: What do you call a tsunami.A: your moms water breaking.
what do you call a fish with no legs?
f_sh have no legs
What do you do with legs
f_sh have no legs
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH LEGS?
break
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
