Break Jokes

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

What do you call a fish with no legs?

Fsh have no legs.

What do you do with legs?

Fsh have no legs.

What do you do with legs?

Break!

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.

Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.

When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?

The no-bell prize.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?

A rock can break a glass ceiling.

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.