Body jokes
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck a big dick.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?
She moans with her right.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
What's big and black?
My balls.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Give a blowjob.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
I think my penis has facial recognition.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
What's Stephen Hawking’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Ur dick.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.