Body jokes

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

I wanted to get brain surgery.

I changed my mind.

I wear a nose on my forehead.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...

Let the bodies hit the floor.

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

What happened when you put your penis in? You start cumming!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have anty-bodies.

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?

A hambone.

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.