Body jokes

I have no legs.

What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

Jacob has a small penis.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck a big dick.

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?

She moans with her right.

Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

What's big and black?

My balls.

Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have another pair of balls.

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!