Body jokes
I think my penis has facial recognition.
You know this joke really cracks up my bones!
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
What's big and black?
My balls.
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Give a blowjob.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
What's Stephen Hawking’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Penis, cheese, butt, cum.
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.