Body jokes

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

I think my penis has facial recognition.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

What's Stephen Hawking’s favorite shampoo?

Head & Shoulders.

Ur dick.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

Penis, cheese, butt, cum.

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."

Daddy, where's my anus?

Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.

Yo mama's so fat her belly button has an echo.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"