Body jokes
Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.
Your forehead is so big, John Cena could wrestle on it.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
Defenity peeing with an erection
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What do you call the midget sea?
A pond.
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!