Body jokes

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

Daikon legs.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"

So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."

So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"

The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.

Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

What’s the best thing about midgets??

They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

Sex is like math.

You add a bed.

Subtract the clothes.

Divide the legs.

And pray you don’t multiply.

I have a fat ass.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?

"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."

Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?

He had no body to go with.

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.