Body jokes
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
What did the no head man say?
"Haha!"
What goes in dry and comes out wet?
A dick.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
Baby, here's my anus.
Baby, too, where's my anus?
Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.
What did one ballsack say to another?
"You stay here, I'll go pee."
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
I have no legs.
Ahhhhhhh!
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.