Blind jokes
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Why aren't blind people in Brazil?
Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.