Bitch jokes

What's up, bitches? Miss me?

One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!

So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to the bitch house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?

Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.

Maude of ghostposter is a dumb Christian pussy-ass bitch. She's so fucking squeamish it's hilarious, although I hate her.

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.

Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.

What did the female dog say to the mirror?

Hi, bitch!

Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!