Bitch

Bitch jokes

People

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

Wife

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

Jay-Z

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

Woman

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

Memes

Class

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

Orphan

Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.

Grandpa

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

Plane

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

Anxiety

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Brother

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

God

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

Gwen

Who thinks Gwen and dumb bitch prince should *STOP* dating! AND LET THE REAL LOVERS *Gwen and Aiden* RESUME TO *LOVE* SAY ME IN THE COMMENTS SO NOT!!!!!!!!

Funeral

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Ass

Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!

iPhone

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

Language

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Insult

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.