I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, But he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
What did sally get for her birthday? A football! Only joking she hasn't opened the box yet.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
