Better jokes

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)

If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!

A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.

I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

What's better, a woman or a man?

Neither, for I am WHITE.

Which is better looking, girls or women?

Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)