Better jokes

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.

I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

What's better, a woman or a man?

Neither, for I am WHITE.

Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which is better looking, girls or women?

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)

If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.