Being jokes

Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

Did you know curing boredom is quite simple?

For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.

What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?

Stop horsing around!

Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?

Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Why do orphans want parents? Because they don't want to be left out.

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

Imagine everyone being hoes.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.

'Cause they sell oden, not a family.

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.