Being jokes

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.

Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they can’t be straight.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

An advantage of being an orphan: the teacher can't give you any homework.

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

Bruh, don't be punny.

Why can't an orphan be a criminal?

Because they aren't wanted.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.