What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
Speak in AAVE, Mr. Bear...
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around.
Why I turn around?
Infopka.com
Bully: Who you looking at?
Me: A Build-A-Bear.
Bully: Where?
Me: Look in the mirror.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
How many children does Explain Bear have?
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
