Bars jokes
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?
To COUNT his BARS.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"