Michael Jackson

Anonymous

what’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

1

Michael Jackson

hee hee 100

whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

ones made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

0

Difference

Jackson Gentry

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag

One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries

3

Head

Anonymous

Chuck Norris one put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

Night

Tyler_kemp65

So Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora’s house. So later that night Dora’s mom hears someone screaming go Diego go for at least a couple of minutes and then it stops and goes back to sleep. But then hears the same thing a couple minutes later and walks in and hears go Diego go so she walks over to Diego’s sleeping bag a looks and it’s empty so she walks over to Dora’s sleeping bag and looks in and See’s Dora getting f… By Diego and hears Dora saying go Diego go while moaning.

2

Nut

Anonymous

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut

Deer

Anonymous

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week. He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

Toe

GREG PAUL

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, Brown and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms

Girlfriend

Uncle Jokes

A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend? Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword. Man: But I am already in love with you. And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy. The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again. Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl. And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender. Man: And here is some candy. And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too. One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him." Girl: I hate you, ugly man! Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl? The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don’t serve-" And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can’t believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender. 999 Service Guy: 999, what’s your emergency? Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag. 999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries. 1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face. Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him. And the police show up. First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag? The girl points to the man and says "This man." Second Policeman: Let’s arrest him. Man: No, wait! I can explain. Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car. When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years." One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison. The police see him and run after him. Third Policeman: Come back here! The man doesn’t listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies. And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.

Orphan

Anonymous

Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?

Because they don’t have a family to share it with 😥

Car

Anonymous

3 men where in a desert 1 man was holding a jug the 2nd was holding a paper bag and the last was holding a car door a man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug he said it was his water and if he got thirsty he would take a drink. Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag the guy said this is my packed lunch so if I get hungry I will eat my lunch. Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said it he got hot he would roll down the window.

Difference

Anonymous

“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Because she had no arms”

“Why could she get up off the ground?” “Because she had no friends”

“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Not Susie, she’s still on the ground”

“Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?” “Everywhere” “Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?” “Because it was in a different body bag”

“Why did Susie drop her ice cream?” “She was hit by a bus”

“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Someone threw a refrigerator at her”

1

Flag

Anonymous

puerto Rican teen: I’m a waste a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (ill never be able to do it) the mother: AI NINO ( OH CHILD ) the teen: QUE? ( WHAT?) the mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! ( DONT START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN) the teen: I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA the mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH) the teen: QUAL ( WIHCH) the mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD) the teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA ( THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE) a phone buzzes the teen: whose phone is that ma? unknown: MR PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE

  • runs to bag opens white one and sticks hand in* the teen : HAIR GELL

Puns

Roman

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.

Puns

Punzar

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.

Baby

Daddy

Q- What’s red and screams? A- A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Car

laughing stock

three indans get captured by an enemy leader and the leaders says "go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind.The first one comes back with apples.The enemy leader says "shove them up your butt and don’t make a sound or i will kill you.He get to two and yell.The leader killed him.He goes up to heaven.The second guy come back and has grapes he gets to 9 and laughes.The leader kills him.He goes to heavenThe first guy askes the second guy why did you laugh you had it in the bag.The second guy said he say the third guy carring pineapples.

6

Evil

(Optional)

[god creating a jellyfish] God: how about an evil bag

Blue

Death to u a part

What is blue and wiggling on my floor? A baby in a bag

Wife

Anonymous

H: walks into bedroom Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

Later that day

W: walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.