My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Your adopted that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
my girlfreind dumped me; so i stole her wheelcar and guess hwo came crawl back
Your hairline starts at the back of your head.
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.
Whats the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple can trace back it's family tree'
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...
Me:...
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
