Baby jokes
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
Bro looks like his mom dropped him when he was a new born
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
The thing my mom birthed.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!