Baby jokes

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.

The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?

Both of their legs don't work.

What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?

Putting the nappy on afterwards.

I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.

"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."

How do you stop a baby from crying?

Throw a brick in its mouth.

Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby? The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.

Y'uree: Bruh... listen... gangbang... sex... the same.

Halyei: Hello Y'uree and Jarod. How are you guys today?

Y'uree: Well, sexy girls like you should be ass-fucked or fucked so hard that all you can do is talk or nothing at all?

Halyei: Thank you, I suck dicks too!

Jarod: Are you Breya???

Halyei: No... do I look like that flying bastard???

Jarod: Ugh... no... baby, you're free to go!

Halyei: Sorry, I miss cursing and having sex with her too! Sorry for being an idiot. I really miss her. Maybe you and I can give her a threesome??? No, I'm not gay! WHY!!!!!!! Can you come to the please fuck me! It's the fuckable girls contest and I want to win! Sorry!

What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

Ripping it off with a kick!

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?

I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.