Baby jokes
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!
The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!
How do terrorists feed their babies?
Here comes the airplane...
HERE COMES THE SECOND ONE 👹
Dead baby jokes never get old...
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
I'm just a prom night dumpster baby I got no mam or dad. Prom night dumpster baby My story isn't long, but boy, it's awfully sad. Although I came from a hole (Although I came from a hole) I'm singin' right from the soul (I'm singin' right from the soul)
My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it I miss my mam But she's at the prom So I'm prom night dumpster baby Prom night dumpster baby
And I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) Hahaha, I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll)
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.