Aviation jokes

Is that a bird? Is that a plane? It's a plane!

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

What do you call an Arab and a black man flying a plane?

Pilots. You racist f*ck.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was such a good pilot.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers sad?

They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.

I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

Donald faced the other four and orders:

"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

Tony jumps off.

"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

Francis jumps off.

Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

Hillary jumps off.

Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?

You rock-it!

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.