Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
“Daddy, what are those 2 things on mum’s chest?”. Asked Tom “Those are just....balloons”.said dad (Later) “Dad! I think mum’s dying!”said Tom. “Why?” Asked dad. “Because uncles blowing her balloons and she said “oh god im cumming!”
Techer: If you dont understand ask your parents at home. Orphan: I dont have neither of those :c
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say bleach.
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked "where are your sisters?" i said "in line to get crushed"
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".
a girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says suck my dick and ill buy you a dress and she does it and says to him dad your Dick tastes like shit and he says yeah your brother wanted a car
Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too.
By:Xzavier
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human? Ask Boeing.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked what you drawing? I saod you taking a shower.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said all you motherf*ckers who want to get off get off and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on get on his mother here's him and said is that you cussing. The mother said go to your room for 1 hour little Johnny goes to his room then little johnny comes back one hour later and said all you motherf*ckers who wanna get off get off and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on get on and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay go ask the b*tch in the kitchen.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian I ask her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better
I told a joke and some1 said "no one asked" then i said "no one would care to even ask"
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady she asked which kid is mine and I responded I haven't decided yet
