Asked Jokes

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."

😂😂😂😂

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!

How does an apple fall from a tree?

I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.