Asked jokes

Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)

A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》

《Why don't you speak to me?》

《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》

《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》

Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?

The husband answers her: Pretty.

The wife responds: Thank yo-

The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!