A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
Why do I go around making Orphan jokes ? Because they can't go crying to there parent 😅
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Went to see a psychic the other day. I knocked on the door and she said 'who is it?' So I turned around and left.
Im no astronomer but I’m pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun... not you.
you look sexy with that rope around your neck
Today I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you Penaldo!
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom Give me fire Give me contract Or I retire
Jog all day Out of UCL now FC Barcelona I need you now
Villarreal defenders They surround me Big submarines All around me
I get upset Call my agent I want money I’m impatient
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread, that’s about to become a rope around my neck
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
What is red and cries and spins around and around? - A baby in a microwave.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?...
Herpes stays around
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard? Reload...chhchhhh
What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!
The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked "What are you doing" and the Daughter replied "I wan't the chocolate"
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap? Wrapped around that tree.
Aboriginals around for 50,000 year invented the spear.
As a hobby I started taking walks around the old clock tower. It's a great way to pass the time.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
