Ares jokes

I'm not a robot, but orphans are.

Why are disabled people screwed?

Because you can't run or hide!

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?

Me: Where's your parents?

Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?

Me: Because it has a home button.

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

A blind person walks into a bar.

Because they can’t see where they are going.

Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?

The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.

Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

The bully: Your gay.

The nerd: You are.

The bully: Yeah.

The nerd: What, your gay?

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.

Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.

People are still scratching their heads over it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

Rangers are a joke.

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.