Ares jokes
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What are the sinful letters of the alphabet?
A, B, C you in hell.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
I hate you, Gwen. You are a stupid idiot!
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They both are plastic and like kids.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims; they went through 91 stories in 11 seconds.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Victims of 9/11 are the fastest readers. They went through 94 stories in seconds.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
Me and the boys are cool.