Ares jokes
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
true though
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"
Who are the fastest readers of mankind?
The victims of 9/11, they went through dozens of stories in a couple of seconds.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, 110 stories in 10 seconds.
All then are bad.
Why are Americans such good marksmen?
Because they had plenty of schools to practice their shooting.
Why are modern women trash?
Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.
What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib all have in common?
All four of them are garbage.
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)