Ares jokes
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.