Ares jokes
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
Why are Americans bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they have already lost 2 towers.
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
Bully: *Bullies kid*
Orphan: Stop!! *Cries*
Bully: What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?? XD
Orphan: :/
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
Plane crash in China... pilots names released in the incident are as follows:
Sum Ting Wong.
Wei Toh Low.
Ho Lee Fuk.
Ban Din Ouch.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
How is there evidence of climate change?
The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Roses are red, Violets are blue.
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.