Ares jokes
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
If you are what you eat, then I’m black.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.
I saw a kid crying in the corner. I asked them where their parents are. Man, I love working at an orphanage!
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK