Ares jokes
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw your mom beat you.
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
You are fat.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.