Anti jokes
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt? She was on fire.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
What did the sunglasses say to the banana?
Nothing, sunglasses can’t talk.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?
A dirty whiteboard.
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.