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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

My life is a joke.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Why did little sally fall of the swings? Because she had no arms What did sally get for Christmas? Gloves! Only joking…she still hasn’t opened the box

roses are dead, violets are dead, I am a bad gardener.

Why couldn’t the T-Rex clap?

Because he’s dead.

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator

I read a book on anti-gravity… It was impossible to put down.

A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!