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A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?

Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?

Answer: Attorney General William Barr!

There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.

Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"

Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?

Answer: An Investigator

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

  • 3

    • Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

    Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

    Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

    Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

    Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

    Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

  • 3

    • If you were a food, what would you be?

    Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."

    Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."

    Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."

    Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

    Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)