ANS jokes

Chick

    • So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

    And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

    This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

    "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

  • 24

    • Orphan

    • What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

    Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

  • 0
    • ANS memes

    Orphan

    • Like this if you laughed.

    These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

    I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

    Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

    Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

    Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

    Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

    What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

    Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

    Girlfriend

    • Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

  • 0

    • Airline

    • It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

    "What are my choices?" he asked.

    "Yes or No," she replied.

  • 4

    • Parachute

    • Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

    Donald faced the other four and orders:

    "I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

    Tony jumps off.

    "Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

    Francis jumps off.

    Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

    Hillary jumps off.

    Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

    Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

  • 2

    • Idiot

    • One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

    After a minute, a boy stands up.

    The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

    The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

  • 9

    • EpiPen

    • I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

  • 1

    • Girl

    • What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.

    What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.

  • 0