ANS jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What can you never tell an orphan?

Go home to your parents.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?

Hitler knows when to kill himself!

How do you name an Asian child?

Ring the doorbell.

Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?

He had an affair with Alexa.

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents were...

Man, I love working at an orphanage.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.