ANS jokes
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
Everybody does this
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
How do stars die?
Normally, an overdose.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.