ANS jokes
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
I am an Indian joke.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What does an Arab prostitute say?
"Bomb my pussy!"
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D
What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?
A cutting board.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?
Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?