ANS jokes
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An ethnic orgy.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
An Irish-man walks out of a bar.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.