ANS jokes
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.
Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?