ANS jokes
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
There's an orphan in my class... For some reason, he never leaves.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."