ANS jokes
Are you an egg? 'Cause your jokes ain't funny.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."
😂😂😂😂
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
I told a joke to an orphan, turns out he wasn't an orphan...