Animal jokes
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?
CONSPIRACY!!!
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,
A man walked into a horse.
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
Why does a cheetah cheat to always win?
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.