Animal jokes
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
How do bees 🐝 get to school?
They ride the school buzz!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
What's the difference between orphans and dogs?
Dogs get adopted.