Animal jokes
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Memes
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.