Animal

Animal Jokes

Banana

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Cow

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Hamster

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Fish

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

Cow

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Cat

Q: Why did the cat get arrested?

A: He was caught littering.

Cat

Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?

A: He was caught littering.

Pervert

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

Cock

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

Chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

Bee

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

Shepherd

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.