Animal jokes
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.