Animal jokes
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.