Animal jokes
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What do you call a 18+ animal jam?
Play Wild!
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "Moo!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Where do cows go on a holiday? Moo-Zealand! 😜
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.