Animal jokes
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What do you call a 18+ animal jam?
Play Wild!
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "Moo!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.