Animal jokes
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Where do cows go on a holiday? Moo-Zealand! š
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
I got udder jokes too.
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To check out the chicks!
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.