Animal jokes
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Where do cows go on a holiday? Moo-Zealand! 😜
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
I got udder jokes too.
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To check out the chicks!
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.