Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
Shaenaya likes goat dick.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
