Animal jokes
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
I love my dog and all dogs.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
What do you call a fish with no tail? A one-eyed grape.
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
Koalas ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ are booooooooooooooooo👎
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
"Bitch, I’m a cow, bitchhhhh."
Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!