America

America jokes

Class

    • What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

    The class divides.

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    • Friend

    • So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

    Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

    And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

    Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

    So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

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    • America memes

    America

    • Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

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    • Man

    • A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

    A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

    Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

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    • Lighthouse

    • The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

    "Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

    The commander starts answering:

    "No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

    "Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

    "Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

    After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

    "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

  • 0

    • 9/11

    • 9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

    It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

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    • Clown

    • What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?

    A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.

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