America jokes

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.

Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.

Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?

Because it's ill-eagle.

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

So we all know why 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? It was in between 9/11.

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?

Kid: AK!

Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿‍♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻

The Statue of Liberty is French; she ain't even American. Deport that bitch!

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"