Alzheimers jokes

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.

Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's?

"Who am I? Why am I typing?"

I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.

Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?

A. I forget.

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?

Neither does he.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.

She literally died a crazy bitch.

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Why did you say not to?

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"